I Was Granted Divinity
It was my first day at the bank job. I was told to arrive dressed business casual: button down, slacks, tie. I had the tie but I couldn’t figure out how to do the damned knot. Fortunately, Father Brian showed up to make a small deposit. The woman asked him to help us out.
He tied it together and told me all I’d have to do is loosen it up and tighten it whenever I put it on. There’d be no need to untie it. Sure enough, as soon as I got home that night I untied it.
I damn near had a panic attack. There was no way Father Brian would be there again for another week. I needed that job. The ladies were so uptight they’d hold it against me for months over a stupid tie. I suppose I’d just go in the next and accept whatever punishment I’d receive for not adhering to the dress code.
I got out of the shower the next morning, put on my t-shirt, buttoned my dress shirt up to the collar. Then, I thought ”screw it”. I gave it a shot. As if posessed by some otherworldly force, I was doing it. Full windsor, half windsor, full again…with no practice at all, I was the God damned tie master.
I went into that bank with a renewed sense of confidence and vigor. The women swooned as I strut my stuff through the doors of that HSBC slamming Rockstar energy drinks in a Banana Republic shirt and silk tie, perfectly knotted. Thank you! I am the neck-tie messiah.
I am an instrument of the Lord.
Stay outta my way.