My Super-Scathing Humorous Yelp review of CLEAR Wireless Internet

I sure wish I could swear on Yelp! I mean, I probably could if I wanted to ditch professionalism. But look, I’ve really got to rip into Clear internet here people. Hope you’re buckled up because here comes a scathing review!

First, there is absolutely zero customer service which I will reference periodically throughtout this story. Every time I had to call their customer service line, which was so many times by the way, I got on the line with some drone reading off a script. “I understand sir. I am sorry sir,” the voice would tell me. But eventually I came to understand it was all lies. If you were really sorry you would make the sadness go away but you can’t. CLEAR is just paying you to say these things.

Why was I constantly calling CLEAR? Well, the service was incredibly slow. Like, yeah, I totally clicked on this YouTube video of a dude getting knocked out so I could watch it tomorrow…not! Good one, CLEAR. After calling them, they told me they placed a cap on my internet usage because I use too much. Oh yeah? I work ten hours every day you guys so there. I’ve got a 30 second video of a breakdancing cat that begs to differ!

Oh? I’m using too much internet and you are trying to stop me? Way to go, Big Brother! I pay you $50 per month when you lied saying I’d only pay $40. You are lying liars, CLEAR internet. “We just try to limit some users so that all users have an equally positive internet experience.” Great. Glad I have an iPhone with 3G capabilities. Because my experience is so far from positive. It. Is. Negative! Sheesh.

Eventually we lost service altogether. I called everyday for a week. Each day they gave me a different excuse. From “Oh, let me reset the signal.” to “Let’s do a hard reset and I will reconfigure your device.” and finally “Well, I don’t even know what’s going on anymore.” The last one was more profound than anything. I think the representative was actually having an existential meltdown over the phone. You had to be there.

Now that I am cancelling the service they are trying to charge me $90. When I signed up they told me the fee for cancellation was $40. The reason for the $90 charge is because I have not completed a full year. This stipulation was not CLEAR when I signed up. I have not completed a full year because the service is garbage. CLEAR internet is a lie. They take away our freedom on the internet. We don’t need this. We already stopped SOPA. CLEAR is bullshit. There. I swore. It felt great.

Thank you. I apologize for any spelling errors. I am enraged.

See review here.

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  1. danieleastman posted this