The day is September 8th, 2011. Brian Williams had just finished moderating a debate between the potential GOP candidates. He was on his way home to his wife. Rick Perry was the obvious star in the debate receiving a huge applause from the Tea Party audience for the number of executions made during his tenure as Texas governor. Perry was a new hope for Texas out to put the state back on the map and he meant business. Killing 234 people showed exactly that.
Rick Perry locked the door to his dressing room and smiled giddily. He puffed out his chest and exhaled. He’d pulled off a successful GOP debate despite being severely afflicted with a speech impediment. He moved to the thermostat and cranked up the A/C. He removed his blazer from Target and wiped the sweat from his brow. He planned to relax and bask in his moment.
All of a sudden a female figure emerged from the shadows. “Nice job out there,” said the silhouette of a scarecrow. It was none other than Michele Bachmann, female candidate for the GOP nomination.
What is she doing here in my room? Rick thought. But then again he didn’t care. Boy, was Michele ever hot. She looked like Clint Eastwood straight out of The Good, The Bad and the Ugly. Whatever it was, Michele Bachmann had it.
"234?” Michele flirted. “That’s quite a number. Looks like you hit the jackpot, tiger.” Michele eyed the beefy mound in Ricks slacks as if it were a corndog folded up like an accordion. There was no beating around the bush. Perry was about get it in!
“Look Michele,” Rick Perry stumbled over some syllables. “I really wanna get down to business and I mean that in the most sexual way possible. We are most definitely going to do that but first I’ve got to get rid of Mable.”
“Who’s Mable?” Michele asked.
“Mable is my lucky shotgun. I take her everywhere with me. Would it be cool if I just step out and put her in my Kia Sorrento? I’ll be right back.”
“Sure, baby. I’ll get myself prepped while you’re gone. I brought Astroglide. I’m unable to self-lubricate.”
“Great. I’ll be right back,” Rick Perry said tucking away Mable as well as his massive erection.
Minutes later Rick returned to find Michele naked and laid out on the bed looking like an old discarded mudflap. He couldn’t wait to get it on now. He turned up the thermostat just a few more notches because it was so hot in there. He tore off his tailored Alexander Julian suit purchased from Target like that horny wolf cartoon character and began to pounce like the animal he is.
Elsewhere, Mitt Romney tenderly made love to seven or eight Michele Bachmann’s of his own…
Back in the dressing room, Perry was doing his best Snoop Dogg impression: that’s right, Doggystyle. His old man hips couldn’t hold up for very long so he pulled on her hair for leverage. He pulled back on it for four or five thrusts but on the sixth time he pulled so hard that Michele’s hair literally came off of her head! He pulled so hard her entire hair and mask came off.
Rick Perry was startled but he didn’t want to stop. The back of Michele’s head reminded him of a magic 8-ball but without the white spot with the 8. “Not yet, anyway.” Rick thought to himself to very slyly. He began thinking of other brilliant euphemisms to use for ejaculating on the back of Michele’s head. Mostly he did this to keep himself from ejaculating on the back of Michele’s head. If only he’d been paying attention he’d have realized that Michele Bachmann had revealed herself to be none other than potential GOP candidate Herman Cain!
“Oh. My. Lord!” Rick and Herman seemed to say in unison as their eyes connected. An awkward moment of sweaty silence washed over the room. Herman looked at Rick. Rick gazed back into Herman’s eyes.
“Do…do ya wanna stop, boy?” Rick graciously asked.
“No. I kinda like it. Say amen, Rick.”
“Amen. But I need to hit the thermostat real quick if you don’t mind.”
“Sure thing, boy.” Herman and Rick looked at one another each making the connection. Herman had made a callback to Rick’s earlier comment.
Together they held one another and the two became one. Each tongue passionately caressing the other looking like two snakes that had become intertwined. The men wondered how they’d made it this far. They’d been truly alone in the world until this point. Although it couldn’t last, it would never work, nothing else mattered at this very moment in time. The men now knew love and they would be forever changed for it. The day is September 8th, 2011. An epiphany happened on this evening.